Tilted Filter

Walk into a bar, any bar and what is normally the first thing you do? I know this is what I do. As soon as I open the door I automatically scan the area and within split seconds begin to choose the area I may feel comfortable in. I have just 'filtered' the area according my preferences. The area where I am not mixing with people that, according to my experiences, are not quite my cup of tea. My filter was straight and untilted.

Strange title you may say. 'Tilted filter' and what has it to do with cancer? Read on.

For me, its probably one of the best ways to describe how our minds work, how we perceive things, how we build our lives around values or codes with the sole aim of following those values/codes without deviation throughout our lives. But, when something upsets these values or codes then we realise how delicate and how easily they can be disrupted and for most, permanently. But is that a good or bad thing?

One thing we human beings don't like is 'change'. Change throws our values or codes for six and it is then, for most of us, we realise we do not possess the necessary mental tools to deal with change. Our mental filters become tilted no longer running straight and true, but skewed, throwing our minds into confusion and sometimes into chaos.

Take a water pipeline. At some point when the water is fed through a pipe, that water will have to be 'filtered' or 'cleansed' for human consumption and in order for that to happen, the pipe requires a point where the water is fed through filters to catch the impurities and then release that clear, cleansed water. If, for some reason, that pipeline is fractured and foreign bodies enter the pipeline, then our water becomes contaminated.

See where I am going? Well. I think our minds works in a similar way.

I know this may be a simplistic view of describing change but life for me is simple and I do feel we tend to consume far too much 'mind pollution' and become too analytical of things in this so called modern world to the point that our mental health becomes contaminated to.

Anyway. Cancer. My filter was tilted the day I was diagnosed with cancer. In fact, my filter began vibrating so much I thought the San Fransisco earthquake had arrived! The very word 'cancer' or to some 'the big C' ( I hate that) sends shock waves throughout your system, like a mental tsunami. It was at this point that i started to view people in a completely new light. My old filter system or my my old social life took a hit. All of a sudden I began mixing with people I hade never been acquainted with in my day to day 'filtered' life and may I add, never have had the pleasure of meeting had it not been for cancer.

It was then I began to realise that 'cancer has no class.'

Not sure about you, but I hate the word class, it is one of those words like jealousy and religion that is the scourge of the human race causing all sorts of divisions but unfortunately this world so far is built on class divisions and no matter how hard we try to be as open with our values we still fall into the class trap.

But, when I was diagnosed with cancer, the whole notion of class flew straight out the window. All of a sudden I am in a treatment room or cancer transport car sitting beside people from all walks of life, from authors to nurses to builders to school pupils to elderly. The list goes on. Even in this world where so called 'celebrities' appear to have more sway than most, they to succumb to cancer. One of my radiographers pointed out that Billy Connolly had received similar treatment to myself. One person randomly said to me that even Puccini, the composer of La Boheme had throat cancer!

Filter re-adjustment.

I once played amateur/semi professional football and for anyone who has been in a dressing room, it is seen by most as 'a great leveller'. I remember one team I used to play for had a mix of plumbers, teachers, engineers, farmers, businessmen and care workers. Now there's a mix. We all came from different social backgrounds and lived in different demographic areas but once in that dressing room it did not matter where you came from we all had one aim and goal...to pull together for the club and win.

Being diagnosed with cancer and having the privilege of meeting so many terrific people from doctors, nurses, radiographers, volunteers and most importantly the carers and sufferers has had a profound effect, for the good, on my view of life. Sitting beside people from all walks of life and sharing our stories dissolved that notion of class. I found a common ground, a leveller which made me have to adjust my filter and add new filters. I hope I no longer slip into that singular 'filter mode' and begin to appreciate the people I previously ignored. For all our faults, we have to make that a focus for the future and seek that common ground and make things better. It took cancer for me me, what will it take for you?