my bloghead 9-Who'd be a mother?

In my website, there is a page where I mention the family history with cancer. My father, my brother and myself all diagnosed. I remember the day when my father was taken to hospital. He had been quite ill with no real diagnosis and at that point suffering from back pains and walking problems. It hit us hard to see this once fit man now bed ridden. My sister crying, my brother bemused and myself as the oldest having to hold things together 'for my mother's sake'.

Oh...and the dreaded 'relatives room' meeting. Thats when we knew something was seriously wrong.

"Mrs Gemmell, your husband has cancer!"

Boom...Life pauses for a brief moment.

It felt like I was standing in the middle of a mad crowd slowly elevating myself above the noise to the point where all you could hear is a murmer and eventually rise above the haze away from that maddening crowd and control the porridge of emotions.

Eddy...keep the head. For our mother's sake.

My mother is a tough old bird and has taken many a knock in her life. Coming from a family of sixteen, I think, gave her the resilience to take on anything.

I remember when I was only twelve or thirteen and watching my grandmother die with cancer. One of the worst moments of my life watching her slowly deteriorate and eventually pass away in her home under the care of my mother, uncles and aunties. This was a lady who raised so many children in a small council house some sleeping three up and three down in a bed, come to a painful end.

I used to question 'why'? For such a strong lady, whom I admired and looked up to, raised such a big family, feed them and hold them together pass away in such a manner. I felt she had suffered enough in this life and deserved a better end. But hey, I was only thirteen.

My mother believed she had done her work here on this Earth and now gone to a better place.

The day I saw my father lying in his hospital bed was when I saw that same strength my gran had in my mother. In her eyes I could see her pain but I could also see that she was not for giving up as well. "Right you old bugger. We've been through worse (been through worse?) so we just have to get on with it and take whatever it throws at us." Nice one mother. She knew how to play him.

I will tell a fuller story of my dad's cancer journey (yes, the old bugger is still around) in a later blog but for now my mother.

Three years later after my father's diagnosis we receive a phone call from my brother in extreme pain in hospital. I contact my mother and we both go there to see my brother John in agony. The nurses and doctors were trying to figure out what the problem was. He had this back pain for months but the doctors kept sending him home with painkillers. Now, at last, they had diagnosed advanced prostate cancer (if only they had tested for this earlier and realised that my father had similar symptoms?). My mother was now experiencing another one of her family, her son, going through the pain of cancer. Can you imagine having to deal with not only your husband going through the treatments of cancer but now her son is in a similar situation. How she coped is beyond me. I sometimes wonder where she gets the strength at eighty two years of age to deal with another serious illness in the family. But she has.

Then...as if things couldn't be any worse, her eldest sone (myself) decided to be tested given the family history and lo and behold...I have prostate cancer.

This was a real test of her resilience. I remember the day I went over to tell my parents after holding back for a few weeks thinking it would be too much for them to cope with. Stunned is the word that comes to mind. But again, I looked at my mother and after all she has been through, she said the same to me as my father "Right Edward (only my mother would call me that). Thats your dad, your brother now you, its a hat trick and we have to get on with it. I know we all deal with it in our own ways but you both have strong wives, so, we are always here if you need us. Your still young and fit to fight. So do it. It could be worse."

No mincing of words, eh?

To this day, after all she has been through, she still gets on with her life as best she can never allowing this 'cancer thing' take over. She keeps reminding me of a song I wrote a few years ago... "Take Each Day As It Comes".

Who'd be a mother?