my bloghead 8-Ghost of Fatbike

The past week has seen me go from prostate cancer sufferer to dealing with a meniscus tear injury. I suppose it is inevitable that someone like me, with so much fire in the belly at the ripe old age of 63, has to suffer from this debilitating injury. It all comes at a time when my oncologist tells me that the hormone treatment I have been injecting into my stomach for the past eight months is not working. My PSA levels are going up not down and my testosterone levels are still 'normal'. So, on top of the injection, I am taking this extra pill to help it come down.

So, I am now home from hospital and attached to a set of crutches for the next few weeks until the rest, physio, painkillers and curtailed activities subside and I get my knee back to 'normal'.

Coming to terms with no activities and becoming an official (albeit temporary) couch potato has been a real test of my mental strength. As if it isn't hard enough dealing with the cancer treatment.

I sit here on my couch looking out at people merrily walking, running and cycling past my window as if they were doing it deliberately to annoy me. In my head I selfishly wish that I could transport their legs on to myself. Star Trek Style.

Think caged lion. Thats me, unable to put on trousers, socks or even make a cup of tea and carry it into the room. Losing the power of the leg has had a major impact on the simple things in life.

My wife was in the garden yesterday and opened the garage door and there was my weights bench and Fatbike, gathering dust. A couple of weeks ago, I was out on my Fatbike cycling happily around the country. Right now it feels like years ago. The images in my mind haunt me.

But. Its amazing when your backs against the couch you somehow find that something extra to pull you through. Where it comes from, I do not know (maybe the thought of more daytime TV). A friend of mine said if it was him who had to go through what I have been going through, he would probably turn to drink. For me somehow, I look at the fatbike and say 'we will soon be out burning those big rubber tyres again' and put aside the ghost of Fatbike.

......Good news just received..... my PSA has dropped.