my bloghead-3 The White Rabbit

GET CHECKEd2

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GET CHECKEd2

You are maybe wondering why I used the title 'White Rabbit'. Well, its relevant to the day I faced the nurse to be told I had cancer. There I was with my wife looking into the face of this pleasant and sympathetic lady in our local hospital doing everything in her power to soften the blow.

The moment that changed our lives. I had cancer.

Being a music freak, my head shifted into an 'unknown' gear and the first song that came into my mind was Jefferson Airplane's 'White Rabbit'. I could hear Grace Slick's haunting voice chant those curious lyrics and the psychedelic sounds of the band whirling round my head. The sound that heralded the end of the summer of love had heralded a turning point for me.

I kept staring at the nurse trying hard to concentrate on her words but all i could see was this hazy talking head. I was in a daze. To hear the words,'you have cancer', would rock the best of us and I have no shame in saying, that it rocked me.

I had been through all the dreaded tests:

Digital rectal exam (DRE):(the most embarrassing test I have had to endure).

Prostate specific antigen (PSA) test: (a simple blood test).

The MRI (which I hated, 45 minutes in a claustrophobic time machine).

A prostate biopsy: (the most invasive and uncomfortable test a male can endure).

For weeks I had been trying hard to prepare for this news.

But nothing prepares you for that moment.

That music combined with the song's lyrics according to Slick, "strongly suggests the sensory distortions experienced with hallucinogens". Thats what it felt like, as if I had slipped into an unreal 'Matrix' world between my old life and about to enter the next.

I had entered the grey zone.

My wife, in the midst of all this, diligently took in the information. God knows what was going through her mind.

Like a typical radio edit, the music eventually fades out and I try to give the appearance of being calm. As we leave with the usual information leaflets, we thank the nurse for her time and support and walk through the corridors of the hospital knowing that we were about to face a completely new challenge.

I like challenges, but did not expect this one. But I did take it head on and began immediately thinking of ways to cope. Looking for new challenges. I must admit, when we got home, I cried my heart out and for a few days spun around the 'grey zone'. But I have always had a positive attitude coupled with a supportive family so, typical me, began to think about another charity event. Busking on my Fatbike. I was leaving the grey zone.

Don't get me wrong, I do have my moments with the cancer treatment but the music has changed.

Some of us reading this may view it as a familiar ordeal, others are possibly reading to be curious.

But as Grace Slick said about the song. "It's about following your curiosity. The White Rabbit is your curiosity..."

My aim is to urge people to be more curious about cancer and (to some) not treat it like some medieval plague. There are major advancements, both physical and psychological, in tackling cancers and if detected as early as possible can be treated. So, I do urge you to be curious and if you have any concerns, 'get checked' ASAP.

I would love to hear your story about the moment you were told and possibly entered a 'grey zone'.